| I was gonna write this in my public blog but then I couldnt open it due to some problem with the internet. So I can only write it here and that girl wont see it. But I know, she visits my public blog. For the first time, I didnt get MAD mad like before with Ferry. I only feel ashamed for him, and her. She thinks I'm wrong, she thinks that their talking and her actions wont do any harm to our r/s and if they do, it's only because our r/s isnt "stable" enough. But from her chatting log, the only thing I dont understand is that why the hell did she keep showing her old diary entries to Ferry (she wrote them when she was in love with him), and keep talking and reminding him about the past time with her? I mean, if it is already the past, and YOU ARE MARRIED NOW and GAVE BIRTH already, does it matter that you and him had a history? And you just cant stop talking about it, why? The way she says things, makes me feel that she's trying to remind Ferry all the good old times with her - when there's no fighting, and she nevers talks back on him, she could easily "hong" him when he was angry or upset. YEAH I GET THAT. I was like, shut up already! That 1 month, you call it a r/s? I mean according to what Ferry said, he was playing between her and another girl. So no one wants to let it go huh?Funny story. I know Ferry only talks to her when he was upset, or when we had a fight, also during some days when I was back in Beijing. He somehow sees her as a tool to get back at me. But hey, I know, I get it, that you guys had a GOOD 1 month. That "she was a good girl", "no temper", "不会和我乱发脾气". The only thing that gets on my nerves is the way they talk. Kinda flirty, and not like someone - who's already committed to a r/s, and another one - who's already married (for the sake of god) - would say... She's all "do you remember that time in xxx place we did blah blah", "ferry do you know you left me and that left a big impact on me, i still remember your hand is bigger than mine by 2 joints and we kissed for 1 and half hour". WTH? Inappropriate? Heard a word like that before? In her defense, she only said those stuff because their r/s matters a lot since she learned to be brave and to cherish someone since then. Then CHERISH YOUR HUSBAND. You dont need to talk to your ex to show how you've grown and shit. Why cant she stop talking about old lover? Is she trying to remind him how good she was to him or what? There are too many girls trying to sabortage this r/s already and no thank you we dont need another one. I told Ferry, no matter what I do or did, dont try to anger me by talking to her. I'm already sick of this trick and sometimes he really overdoes it. There's nothing that he cant tell me. If he can tell his friend, then I'm sure he can tell me. Just dont take anymore revenge by using her. Or whatever. We know, now we really want different things. I lost all confidence and trust on him and myself since Dec, now I dont even think about our future at all. But he does, I know he's trying. Sometimes I always think, why should I think about the future we are gonna break up eventually anyway over some stupid thing he does. But I guess that really hurts him a lot. I always tell my friends that 2 people are together because they want the same thing. But now I'm not doing it. The day 1 person starts to lay back and not think of the same thing as another person, this r/s is in danger. Now I know that, and I'm gonna try 1 more time. He's doing his best as well, he has shown me that he has changed, and I know that. I dont need to look back on the past, those histories, and those girls who arent relevant at all to what we are having now. I need to move on. I need just a little bit of confidence and trust, and look forward. And just FYI, he's being with me not because he cant be with you or whatsoever. I dont want anyone to think like that. You and me, are totally different stories, and yes maybe sometimes he compares us, especially my temper, but that doesnt matter. You'll only feel ashamed of saying something that you arent really supposed to say as a married woman. This entry is a bit long but I dont care! CUZ ITS MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES!    I'M 20 DAMMIT!!
GIVE ME LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE ;))*** |
